


Oh, to see you again...

by lisafyra



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28618758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisafyra/pseuds/lisafyra
Summary: When Carlos agreed to engage in a video project for the Renault / Alpine-team, he had not at all expected to bump into a certain German driver again - who was still without a seat after all. However, Nico's surprising return for the 2020 British GP changes everything and confronts Carlos with parts of his past again that he would rather just like to forget...
Relationships: Lando Norris/Carlos Sainz Jr, Nico Hulkenberg/Carlos Sainz Jr
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23
Collections: Winterbreak Writing Challenge (2020)





	Oh, to see you again...

**Author's Note:**

> So, here we go, folks - I wrote another entry to scarletred's Winterbreak Writing Challenge! :)
> 
> The prompt for this week was: _Blast from the past. Your favourite driver is forced to do some PR stuff with one of his former teammates. Who is it? How are things between them? Do they hate each other or are they friends? Maybe they haven’t talked to each other in years…_
> 
> (...and because things usually only look worse and worse the longer you stare at them, I now better stop overworking this one for the 10000th time and just leave it here for you to read, before I'll go fully nuts over this one. Hope you like it ♥)

“Hi” - this one word was enough to make Carlos flinch. He was just signing a track marshal’s cap as it caught his ears, this one word in that _oh-too-familiar_ voice that he hadn’t heard for so long and that, on the other hand, immediately felt as if it had never been gone from him.

Reflexively, the Spaniard turned around, no longer paying attention to how the marshal thanked him and left - his senses were fully focussed on something else, or more precisely: _someone_ else. And even though Carlos of course had instantly recognised who it was, just by his voice, it was still a shock to see the blonde man _actually_ coming towards him.

Nico looked as if he had emerged right from his memory: Still all tall and lean, but with nice broad shoulders (which maybe were even a little broader now…) and the typical cheeky smile on his face - it was even visible through the mask, his eyes were giving it away; these unbelievable eyes of aquarelle green… that hadn’t lost any of their intensity, as Carlos had to admit to himself when Nico joined up with him, causing his heart rate to immediately speed up.

“Na, _cabrón?_ _¿Cómo estás?”,_ the German asked, casually harking back to the few Spanish words he remembered from the one year that they had been teammates, and without hesitation held out his arm to greet him.

However, because Carlos didn’t know so quickly what the appropriate reaction would be - like, hug or handshake? -, they ended up with this somewhat strange mixture of both, when Nico naturally pulled him close, just as he had always done.

And in the second that Carlos found himself in the arms of his former teammate again (at least halfway), he was overwhelmed by fragments of memory - _hands on heated skin; hungry kisses; fingers seeking hold in strands of hair and curious tongues; urgent, almost desperate hip-thrusts; “Ah, Carlos…!”_ -, causing a sweeping heatwave to gush through the Spaniard’s body.

Abruptly he pulled away, gasping out the classic _“Bien, gracias”,_ as he tried to clear his mind from these images again and to just drive them back to wherever they came from - because these thoughts, without doubt, were everything except _appropriate_ now…!

Desperate for distraction, Carlos hurried to ask a quick “And you?” back, maybe sounding a bit too unsettled with it - however, Nico luckily didn’t seem to notice his struggle, and neither how he was barely able to look at him for longer than the blink of an eye, as his cheeks were already warming up with embarrassment.

“Good, also!”, the older one answered with an audible smile and the tone of his voice was so certain, that it was clearly not just empty talk, but that he really meant it - and Carlos caught himself wondering how he had expected any other answer: _Of course_ Nico Hülkenberg was doing well. How could you not, when you get asked to jump in for a diseased and quarantined racing colleague and get to drive a Grand Prix again, even though you actually had dropped out of the grid?

So the German definitely had every right to fell good right now, besides that he was one of those the-glass-is-half-full-kind of people anyway… honestly, what had he expected?

And as little as Carlos knew the answer to that, he also couldn’t name what exactly bothered him about Nico’s optimistic nonchalance - especially in the light that the older one’s always focussed, but at the same time also so serene and relaxed nature used to be what Carlos admired most about him…

But before he could figure any of that out, Nico demanded his attention again with an enthusiastic sound, striking a determined pose with his hands resting on his hips.

“So- here we are!”, the German said and looked over to the Renault-hospitality for a second, which was their common destination for today, before he turned back. “I hope you haven’t waited too long?”

Slightly caught off guard by both this question and the intense look from Nico’s beautiful eyes, Carlos reflexively shook his head, replying: “Nah, only a few minutes” - and although it was there truth, it had rather felt like hours for him, in his flutter…

Nico let out a soft chuckle. “Feels weird, hu? Being back?”, he asked and Carlos agreed with a vague “Yeah…”, even though he wasn’t exactly sure what the older one was referring to: That they were standing in front of the Renault hospitality again now after two years or his unexpected F1 comeback in general or… or if he talked about _themselves_.

Probably it was a mixture of all three - at least it was for Carlos:

When the Renault PR department had asked him if he’d like to take part in some kind of Goodbye-Renault-welcome-Alpine-video, along other former drivers of the team, the Spaniard had of course said yes. He had felt honoured just about the invite, even, because although he had enjoyed racing with the French team a lot, he had only driven one year for them, if you don’t count the last few races of the previous season in, where he had already replaced Palmer - and given the outstanding history of drivers they had, they could easily have chosen someone else over him for the video, someone more popular or someone who had had the greater success on the track.

However, they had asked him, and so it maybe, maybe had also, to a tiny, little extent, been about his ego that Carlos hadn’t hesitated long, but had agreed to the project right during the phone call; not wasting on thought on what it could do with him, this little trip down the memory lane… - something he’d, in hindsight, like to properly smack himself for. Had he been so flattered by the call that he could not have used his brain for a second?

But on the other hand, how could he have known that the lane would take _this_ turn also; that it would really come to _this_ reunion?

Of course, Nico and Renault were forever inseparable in his head, but since the German actually was without a seat this year, Carlos had not expected to bump into him on this occasion, like: _not at all._ It had felt somewhat obvious that Nico wouldn’t fly in just to do a PR video for his former employer, especially not with the current situation with Covid-

But, how life goes, this certainty had all gone down the drain when Nico had been announced as a replacement for Checo for this weekend, causing him to pop up at the track literally overnight. And of course - how should it be any different - the Renault PR department had also got wind of this unexpected opportunity to get the two former teammates together for the shoot, causing them to curtly change their plans. And that was why Nico now wouldn’t record a video-message from home anymore, but would keep Carlos company in his instead. Do it with him, even. _Together._

The mere imagination caused the Spaniard to feel uneasy. He would have loved to just excuse himself out of it, faking a bad headache or something - but he knew that he couldn’t pretend to be ill over the whole weekend, but at the same time race as if nothing was wrong. And most definitely he couldn’t take the emergency lie so far as to fake his ‘illness’ towards McLaren, too, and miss out the race - he’d only spoil his own season with that, not to mention the potential trouble he’d provoke by such an act, if the truth came out…

No, no, as much as he’d love to hit and run, he couldn’t do that. Not because of such a _trifle._

No, if he liked it or not, he had no choice other than to grit his teeth and get things done - the quicker, the better!

So even though he rather felt like sighing, Carlos straightened his posture and came right to the point, asking: “Shall we go in?”, and nodded towards the bright yellow Renault hospitality, as there unfortunately was no way around.

Fortunately, Nico as everyone else in F1-business wasn’t interested in wasting any time, too, and so they together moved towards the glass doors, in order to get in - but in the very moment that Carlos reached for the handle, the door was already opened towards them and someone headed them off - someone who the Spaniard, even despite the long-time-no-see, recognised in an instant: Aurelie.

“Oh hello there!”

Renault’s lovely PR lady welcomed them in her unmistakable, bubbly manner and with a big smile, telling them how good it was to see them again and how glad she was that they really took their time for this project - and Carlos was directly reminded of who the good soul of the team was - and how much he (regardless of how well he and Charlotte got along also), had subconsciously missed her ever since his departure.

So maybe, he thought to himself, with the soothing knowledge that Aurelie would do the interview with them - maybe today wouldn't be _that_ bad after all…

The blonde woman told them that they, due to the Covid precautions, were unfortunately not allowed _inside_ the hospitality, but that they had prepared something outside around the back, in the little kind-of-backyard of the motorhome.

“C’mon, I’ll show you”, she said and gave them a little wave to follow her - which Carlos and Nico dutifully did.

As the three of them were rounding the Renault headquarter, Aurelie didn’t make a secret of her joy to see them again: In her typical, adorable way, she just blurted straight out how much she’d love to squeeze them both into a big, big hug, but was unfortunately not allowed to because, again, of Covid measures - which made Carlos only then realise that he hadn’t even thought about that stuff when Nico had hugged him a minute ago…!

Causing him to seriously wonder how the hell he could have forgot about that, since the topic was omnipresent everywhere in the world and the paddock, of course!

However, seeing the German again had totally messed with his mind, so he was more than glad that, with Aurelie, there was someone there now to take command, whereas he didn’t have to do anything other than just do what she said. That way, he’d be saved any more, possibly even worse blunders - at least that was what he hoped for.

As they came to the little terrace at the back of the hospitality, Carlos and Nico made big eyes over the improvised, but not less professional outside-interview-panel that was set up there - completely with a Renault-themed background-screen, multiple cameras and microphones as well as softbox-lights, to deal with the typical British cloudy sky. As much as Covid demanded improvising skills from each and everyone, the production of the Farewell-Renault-welcome-Alpine-video would in no way be inferior to shooting inside. Aurelie even introduced them to the two cinematographers, who were there to ensure that the recordings would turn out proper and utilisable.

And to cap it all off, she then handed Carlos and Nico two folded pieces of fabric - which turned out to be Renault shirts, or more precisely: _their_ shirts, in the exact design from 2018!

“Oh wow…”, Carlos let out in surprise when he, for the first time in two years, was holding one of these in his hands; a familiar and yet so… nostalgic sight. “Where did you find _these?!”_

The Spaniard himself had given all of his team wear away as soon as he had left, actually. He had donated the whole bunch to charity and had only kept one shirt as a memento - but it was most likely buried somewhere deep in his closet in Madrid. At least he had not come across it in the last two years, and neither had he worn it, of course, not even as a sleeping shirt - but now, he was about to slip the familiar clothing back on again and he didn’t know wether he should be excited or afraid about it.

Aurelie, however, just shrugged.

“Searching through the remainders! I mean, we couldn’t let you sit like that in our video…”, she grinned and nodded right in their direction, as both Nico and Carlos were of course wearing shirts and caps from their actual teams, with all the respective sponsors and logos on - not the appropriate outfit for a Renault-dedicated video, indeed.

So without protest, they made moves to put on again what had used to be their working garments once. As none of the external participants were allowed inside the hospitality, not even to change clothes, the PR team had at least organised a privacy shield, so that they could (un-)dress in private out here.

However, although it for sure was only well-intentioned, the paravent actually just made it worse -because Carlos couldn’t help but find the situation weirdly intimate, as he disappeared together with Nico behind the portable wall.

He really had to pull himself together to not turn his head and peek, as the German curtly stripped out of his Racing-Point-polo and revealed his bare upper body; and even more did he struggle to not think about the last time he had enjoyed this sight, with their skin shimmering with sweat and their body heat close to feverish, when Spanish tan and soft paleness had been entangled to the maximum, almost melting into each other…

Carlos was abruptly torn away from his thoughts when Nico let out a groan, which fit _awfully well_ to the movie playing on his mental cinema screen; and as hard as he had tried, he now just couldn’t contain himself anymore, he just _had_ to turn and look - only to see how Nico fought with the t-shirt.

“Almost my size!”, the blonde man laughed as he squeezed himself in, pulling the fabric down over his nicely defined abs - a sight that instantly caused the heat to shoot into Carlos’ face, and he was glad that Nico didn’t catch him staring, but already stepped out from behind the privacy shield again, to show Aurelie the rather close fit.

“Oh, someone’s gained a bit of muscle, eh?”, Carlos heard her friendly tease - so he had not been wrong about that earlier, Nico did _indeed_ look more muscular compared to last year…

The German, though, just waved it off: “A bit, maybe, yeah…”, he replied, and even though Carlos couldn’t see him, he could almost hear the cheeky smile in his words, which he surely had on his face now - again, a sight that was not foreign to the Spaniard.

But before his mind could dive any further into these kind of thoughts, he hurried to get ready as well, quickly putting his (luckily normally fitting) Renault shirt on, too - but as soon as he also stepped out of the cover from the privacy shield, his gaze automatically flickered over to Nico, even against his will.

To his shame, Carlos had to admit that the shirt looked really good on the other one that tight, and thus he had to be all the more careful not to stare too obviously at the broad shoulders that were clearly showing now, as they took their seats next to each other on the two chairs in the focus of the cameras - or to even start drooling, since they now also were asked to take the masks off.

It would be nicer for the film, as one of the cinematographers had said, and because they were sitting with a distance of two metres and were also outside, there was no conflict with the Covid-rules by the FIA.

_Nicer for the film. Of course._

_Maybe it won’t be so bad?,_ Carlos thought about his assumption about the whole thing from just a few minutes ago, while he shoved his mask into the pocket of his jeans, taking off what had been the only cover for his far too excitedly red cheeks. _Pah!_ This was _hell!_

His smile had rarely felt as forced as when he looked over to Aurelie, who took her seat right across from them, next to the camera, making it almost feel like a time-jump, because she as well as the two camera- and sound-operators were of course dressed in their black and yellow working garment, too.

The PR lady exchanged a words with her co-workers, making some final arrangements, then the three of them nodded their heads and she got her clipboard with the questions ready, facing Nico and Carlos - and then they were rolling.

Carlos felt his chest widen with a deep breath, his fingers clenching into fists in his lap, as the red lights over the cameras went on. _Okay. You can do this!_

Luckily, they started easy with some self-introduction, saying their names and when they drove for Renault - the basic stuff. After that, they did some kind of word association game, where they were supposed to sum up their time with Renault in three words (Nico: “improving, 100%, hard-working”, Carlos: “exciting, learning, new”) and say what came first to their mind when they heard the team’s name and all such stuff.

To be honest, it went really well from there, causing Carlos to gradually relax and to even forget why he had been nervous beforehand, as it was fun, also - but then Aurelie asked what had been the best thing about driving for Renault.

Carlos, because he didn’t really know what to say here after only one season, answered diplomatically that it was always nice to have a big brand behind you and also being with a team that has been around in this sport for a long time, but that it, above all, was down to the people working with you on a daily basis. He was actually referring to the hard-working mechanics and engineers with that, who had really thrown themselves into it every weekend, giving their best to make the car as quick as possible, and also to the people working in the background like Aurelie, for example, who he had not experienced as less ambitious.

But when Nico agreed with him and said: “Yeah, definitely the people. There were- and are, of course, quite some amazing people working here and- you know, in sport like ours, you really grow close over the season and get to know each other _inside-out…”,_ Carlos almost choked on his saliva - because the way he said it definitely added a completely different undertone to the actually so innocent answer, especially combined with the look that the German threw at him with the last words…!

Carlos literally had to force himself to turn his gaze away from him again and to not stare any longer at Nico’s frightfully handsome face, as it made his mind wander to places that he definitely didn’t want to visit while he was on camera…!

Trying his best to get his brain back under control, Carlos was _very_ glad that Aurelie didn’t give him any time to dig deeper into _this,_ but without further ado went on with the next question - this time about their best racing moment with Renault.

“Can be anything, a strong result, a race that was really fun or crazy - just what comes to your mind what you enjoyed a lot in the moment”, she explained with a smile, visibly already curious for their answers.

“Let’s start with you, Carlos”, she said, after she had given them a few seconds to go through their memory - but to be honest, Carlos wouldn’t have even needed it. The answer was perfectly clear for him and just thinking about it brought a smile back to his face, driving the weird agitation away from his expression.

“My best moment was in 2017, in Austin. US Grand Prix”, he replied with a proud tone to his voice and then continued to talk about said weekend, where he had curtly replaced the fired Jolyon Palmer. Of course the car had been new to him and he had only had a short time to adapt, so nobody really had hoped for much - but against all odds, he had finished on a strong P7, earning points already at his very first race for his new team. His grin only became wider as he spoke, because this truly was a story worth telling and also a memory that he liked to go back to from time to time. Oh, what a great day this had been, indeed…

Nico, though, answered less distinctively, saying that he couldn’t pick out one moment or race in particular, but that the whole first half of the 2018 season had been really successful for him. He also talked about how he had finished at 7th rank in the driver’s championship that year, which still marked his best career finish until today. Even though there, again, had been a few chances for a podium and he unfortunately hadn’t realised one of them in the end - also _again._

“But overall… there definitely were some celebration-worthy moments, yeah”, he concluded and nodded, to reinforce his words, before he looked over to Carlos again, who instantly felt a shiver running down his spine, because… _oh yes,_ he remembered some of these moments as well - or more precisely, how they both had celebrated them in private afterwards.

It had started somewhere in early summer that they both suddenly had seen each other with different eyes. Not only as teammates anymore, but as something… else. Something bigger, more intense.

Carlos couldn’t narrow it down to a specific date when this had started, it just _had,_ suddenly - but all the more certainly did he remember the moment when they had overcome the state of covert looks and daydreaming only and had moved on to _more:_

It had been after the Canada GP in 2018, a mild Sunday in June. The team had been in high spirits, because both Carlos and Nico had managed to finish in the points, after the practice sessions had been a pure disaster - speaking of a technical failure for Nico and a harmless, yet time-robbing crash into the barrier for Carlos. But even though they hadn’t had a clue _how_ they had done it, on this weekend, everything had worked out for both drivers and they had brought P7 and P8 home in the end, which had felt almost like a podium.

Correspondingly cheerful, they had spend some time with the team afterwards to celebrate, clinking some beer bottles later in the afternoon. And maybe it had been the alcohol, or the overall glee and jollity, but whenever Nico and Carlos had caught each other’s gaze in the next hours, there somehow had been an unknown tension between them; something that had made them feel all heated even on a day of just 22 degrees. And when they had walked through the hotel hallway together later, actually in the attempt to go to their respective rooms and get some sleep before the early flight on the next morning… they hadn’t been able to resist anymore.

Carlos still could feel his lips prickle with excitement when he thought of the moment when his teammate suddenly had shoved him against the wall and kissed him full of hunger, avidly pressing his body against Carlos’, making no pretence of what he wanted-

And the Spaniard had _not at all_ had anything against that; on the contrary, he had been overfond to go with it. From there on, his memory of this evening (and night) was a little scrappy, because thinking had got a little more difficult as soon as they had stumbled into his hotel room, as his overall perception had been flooded with the immense glut of sensations rushing through his body - but they had been thoroughly _positive._

Ha, what a massive understatement, actually - but this was not about words, neither now nor back then. They had focused on each other only, not wasting one thought on possibly getting caught or how loud they might or might not have been and who could hear them or whatever. There had not been any thinking capacity for stuff like that - or thinking capacity at all, for Carlos. This had been the time to feel and savour.

It had been beyond doubt that, unlike him, Nico had done that before - like: with a _guy_ -, as the German’s moves and touches had been confident and full of expertise, but Carlos had enjoyed every bit of the new territory that they had explored in this night - even though he had had some trouble to walk properly the next day. Nevertheless, he actually had been almost sad on the next morning when they had packed their stuff for France, assuming that this would have ‘it’, just a one-time-thing - but much to both his surprise and delight, Nico had other plans and had pulled him to his hotel room by his shirt already in the next evening, ready to continue where they had left off.

Needless to say that, once the ice had been broken, it had not stopped at that, as they’d had a whole week together before the summer break ahead of them after all. And neither had the break stopped them - right on the first race weekend afterwards, they’d picked up exactly where they had been separated; and before they had known, it had pretty much become their unspoken habit through the race weeks, sneaking into each other’s hotel rooms for the night or sometimes even driver’s rooms, when they had needed each other real quick before a practice session, only to act totally naturally as soon as they had stepped out into the public eye again.

For Carlos, it had been the best weeks ever - but also the time that he, retrospectively, regretted the most.

Because in hindsight, it was obvious that it couldn’t go on like this forever and also that everything was strictly physical between them - they never had the “what are we?”-talk or went out for dinner together or something. They had just been two friends having some fun together, keen on satisfying their basic needs and release some of the omnipresent pressure of their occupation field, in the most natural way possible.

Nonetheless it was all so clear to Carlos now, it couldn’t save him from how he had started to read way more into it than there actually had been back then, not to say: He had totally fallen for Nico. Not that he had planned to do so, or that he had noticed it - it just had happened; gradually, but inevitably.

However, he had only realised this huge mistake when it had already been too late - namely when the older one, at the last race weekend of the season, had suddenly turned him down as Carlos had tried to involve him into a kiss after FP2, desperate for some affection from his favourite teammate. To his surprise, Nico had been holding him off by his wrists, so that he hadn’t been able to make another attempt to free the handsome blonde man from his racing suit, and Carlos still remembered this exact moment so vividly as if it had just happened yesterday. The way Nico had taken a deep breath, before he had looked at Carlos again - and with that look, he had known. That it was over.

With a low, almost sorry voice, the German had told him that they couldn’t keep doing this anymore, that it had to stop now, because he got back together with his ex-girlfriend again and that he really wanted to make it work this time.

He even had the temerity to ask Carlos for sympathy: “You understand, right? I mean, we had fun, yeah, but- this is something serious. With Egle”, he had explained himself. “It wouldn’t have worked anyway, when we’re not on the same team anymore, so…” - at this point, he had shrugged almost apologetically - “…guess it’s time to say goodbye, for now.” - breaking Carlos’ heart into a thousand pieces with his words, whereas it had become obvious that any of the Spaniard’s feelings beyond lust and arousal had been one-sided only: Because Nico himself had not seemed heartbroken at all, only uncomfortable with getting the message across, and visibly not worrying about Carlos and how he’d be able to cope with this halfway-‘break-up’ in the first place, but rather about wether he would keep their secret to himself or if he would make a fuss.

However, even if the Spaniard have wanted to, when the initial shock about this unexpected turn of the whole story had turned into rage somewhat later - he wouldn’t have even been able to do so, in the end. He had been far too ashamed about everything.

Ashamed that he had not seen the signs before, that he had not understood that it had been a temporary thing right from the beginning, without serious intentions for more or anything; ashamed that he had been stupid enough to allow Nico into his heart - and also ashamed that he had fallen for another man in general.

A few months earlier, he would have, without doubt, considered himself straight. But this awfully handsome German driver had confused his feelings a lot and even afterwards, he definitely had needed some time to himself to cope with these new insights into his own personality. So, no - definitely not the preconditions to make a fuss to the public. There had been enough fuss _inside him_ already, leaving him torn apart between utter bewilderment on the one and the urge to cry his eyes out on the other side.

Nonetheless, he somehow had managed to get the last race of the season done with dignity, finishing, much to his satisfaction, strongly in the points in the Abu Dhabi GP, while Nico only got P12. But he didn’t even bother to rub it in his face, because not just that the older one had finished higher in the driver’s standings than him, but Carlos had also only been relieved that the season was over - which, ironically, had been his greatest downer beforehand, as he would have been separated from Nico for several months.

But with the latest developments, he had barely been able to wait for his leave for McLaren, eager just to get away from Renault and everything that had happened between him and his teammate, really just wanting to forget and move on.

Luckily, his fresh start with the team from Woking had kept him so occupied, both timely and mentally, that there had barely been any time to pity himself or to get lost in his thoughts too much. So when they all had been back at the track for the 2019 season, he had barely got to see the older one, and if their paths had happened to cross, he had tried his best to avoid or even ignore him, pretending he didn’t exist.

Of course, it had made him uncomfortable every time he had spotted Nico somewhere, especially when he was accompanied by his _oh-so-official-and-serious-stupid_ girlfriend. He also still caught himself thinking of the German every now and then when he came across a Renault-logo, sometimes even in the McLaren garage - but above all, Carlos had felt like he had moved on from this little… escapade. The more time had passed, the less he had thought about it and the less it had hurt, if he was honest - not least because the German had lost his seat at Renault and therefore actually was no longer supposed to be around for this year. _Actually_.

Because here he was again, ready to jump in for Checo after the Mexican had caught Covid, and Carlos couldn’t deny that having him here again, right beside him, in their old team wear, dropping clearly ambiguous comments like nobody’s business… did something to him. He couldn’t really say if it was in a positive or negative way, but it definitely brought a lot of things back to surface that he hadn’t paid attention to for a while, like re-opening the healing wound.

And as it was with wounds, now that it was torn open again, Carlos couldn’t stop it from bleeding from one moment to the next - only that it wasn’t blood, but memories leaving their stains in his head, so much that he was barely able to concentrate for the rest of the interview. Although it hadn’t taken long any more from then on, Carlos couldn’t remember any of the questions anymore. He just hoped that he hadn’t answered anything stupid and wouldn’t come across as a total idiot in the final video.

Probably it was better if he didn’t even watch it.

…and all of that just because of Nico. It was almost ironical:

How was it possible that, even two years after it had all went down like that, the German still had such a strong impact on him, Carlos asked himself, as he watched Nico walk off after they had said their goodbyes.

And how was it possible that the German seemed to have gotten along so easy with the whole thing, whilst Carlos still reacted so heavily to him, even if he didn’t really have feelings for him anymore? Or… did he, after all?

Carlos swallowed hard, before he abruptly tore his gaze away from the (not less attractive) backside of the tall Racing-Point-substitute-man and also quickly turned around, to made his way to the McLaren base. It was only a one-minute-walk, at max, but it felt way longer today - rather like a whole racing distance, actually; and not because he got stopped by any more track marshals asking for autographs or something. No, he didn’t even sign one single paddock-pass - well, not that he would have noticed if someone had asked him to, though, as he couldn’t help but feel his thoughts were circling heavily about this latest encounter.

It was like Nico had fully taken over his head again with just these half an hour that they had now spent together, and it caused Carlos’ mind to, against his will, dig up questions and considerations again that he hadn’t paid attention to for quite a while.

Subconsciously, he wondered what his life would be like now, if he hadn’t changed teams back then, but had stayed at Renault with Nico, and if he and Egle hadn’t got back together again.

Would they be still be doing their thing then now? Would they still be only two friends having fun from time to time or would Nico have also developed deeper feelings for him, as time had gone by? Like, as unplanned as it had been for Carlos himself? Would their amorous escapade maybe have evolved into a real relationship by now, and would they possibly even have made it official? And… was it _that_ what Carlos would have liked for them?

So many questions and yet no answers - yet _no chance_ to even _find_ the answers.

And the immense void of uncertainty haunted him still when he was back in his driver’s room, when caught looking out of the little window deeply lost in his thoughts, unable to deal with the turmoil of emotions on his mind. If he was honest, it was far from getting better; it seemed like it only got worse with each minute passing, now that he was fully on his own, and Carlos felt like he was about to panic - when suddenly, the door was opened behind him and footsteps padded into the room; and before he knew, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist from behind and a very familiar, slim figure nestled against his back.

“Hey there…”, a low voice murmured against his neck, apparently very happy to see him, telling from the firmness of the grip. “I didn’t know you were back already… how was that PR thing, all good?”

Had he been close to freaking out just seconds ago, Carlos couldn’t help but feel the tension in his shoulders melt away from him almost at an instant, now that he was joined by the only person who could ever have such an effect on him, and his lips automatically curled into a smile, as he covered Lando’s - as always - slightly cold hands in front of his belly with one of his own, trying to warm them up again.

“Oh, it was okay. But I’m also glad it’s over now”, he admitted truthfully, while he let his thumb run over the younger one’s knuckles, a gesture that calmed himself just as much.

However, his answer caused the Briton to audibly frown in confusion, humming a half-aloud _“Hm?”_ from behind his back.

With a sigh, Carlos let his hand slip from Lando’s and shifted in his clinging embrace - or he tried, at least, because his sudden stir caused the younger one to hold onto him only more tightly in protest at first. But when he realised that Carlos only wanted to turn around to face him and wrap his arms around his waist as well, the protest died down in the blink of an eye and he gladly let him do so - and Carlos instantly felt his heart warm up with love at the sight of the younger one beaming up to him through his thick lashes, as he was waiting for the answer.

The corners of the Spaniard’s mouth twitched into a loving smile once more, when he all gently rested his forehead against Lando’s, leaning in as close as possible, as he carefully chose his words to reply to the unspoken question.

“Yeah, you know…”, he whispered. “Sometimes you better let your past be past and focus on the present instead…”

And before Lando could ask any further about stuff that Carlos didn’t want him to worry about, he tilted his head just enough for them to share a kiss, as if to seal his words - one of the almost innocent, tender kind, that make you feel loved and special and very warm inside, even though they’re only featherlight. So it was definitely not the most passionate caress they had ever exchanged, but it was exactly was Carlos needed and wanted for them right now; and so good, that he even kept his eyes closed a little longer afterwards, to fully savour the sweet tingling that Lando had left on his lips, while he held him safely in his arms, the both of them embracing in peaceful silence.

And Carlos couldn’t help but smile to himself, as all of his pondering and _what-if’s_ suddenly vanished into thin air, leaving him wondering how he had even allowed these doubts to arise in the first place - because they were nonsense. Utterly superfluous.

Although it had caught him off guard to meet Nico again - the first other man he had ever fallen in love with! -, everything he needed and would ever need was here, right in his arms - and this time, there was no doubt it was truly his - which was by far the most beautiful thought that had ever crossed Carlos’ mind.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is probably not quite the Carlando-story you expected, but I hope you liked it still! Feel free to let me know what you think of it ♥
> 
> (And sorry, Nico - I actually didn't mean to portray you as such an impertinent idiot, whoops x))  
> (But thanks to Caro, who introduced me to Nico/Carlos-stuff after all - you're right, it's fun to write about these two once in a while! :D ...and also about Aurelie! I mean, how can you not love her? ♥)


End file.
